The current battle in my head.

Breastfeeding.

Let me explain to you how I feel about it. For me.....

It's like getting a short haircut.... The idea of it is good. People like it when you do it, in theory it is supposed to be easier but whenever I do it, I find it rather annoying. It never turns out how I imagined it would. No matter how many times I try it, its always the same.
Now, dont get me wrong. I love the closeness that breastfeeding brings. I just hate how it feels. No it doesn't hurt. It's just an irritating feeling for me.
Not only that, I always have to bring the girls out whenever she wants them. No matter where I am or who is sitting next to me.
And the feeding frenzy days leave me feeling like a cow.... MOOOO!
Why is it that successful breastfeeding mum make you feel so guilty for even considering using bottles? "Oh but breast milk is like gold" they say.
We live in the western world where water is clean & formula is a perfectly suitable source of food...

Yet the battle rages in my head.......

The Wedding...

We awoke early in the morning. 3am to be precise in order to be ready for a 7:30am ceremony...

The bride was beautiful...

The ceremony was lovely...

The flowergirls were gorgeous....

The bridesmaids scrubbed up ok too...

Fun was had by everyone...

So honoured I was able to share the day with my best friend of 25 years.

A taste of gorgeousness for you all...

Kristie from 2 Little Bunnies came over last week to take some scrummy newborn pictures of Elizabeth... Check out some of her gorgeous pictures here...

Devestation.

As you may remember, our home computer has gone Kapoot! Swift Jim has been letting me use his work laptop while he is home on holidays. (Good man).

Here's the devestating thing. The hard drive (i think) is fully jiggered. We have lost everything. Including ALL our photos.
Swift Jim says he did back some up onto disc a while ago, but how long ago? I have no idea. I havn't printed any pictures off since Ella was about 18 months old. Thats a LONG time ago.

For the nerdy man to see if he can recover the photos it is going to cost between $800 and $2000!! That's money we just dont have. *sigh*

So dear friends, if you have any photos of my dear children. Please email them to me........

A baby is born...

I have been somewhat reluctant to post about Libby's birth. To be honest, it was not at all what I had expected. But I think I am ready to share our experience....

Two weeks before Libby's arrival, you may remember this saga. Well, I didn't get a whole lot of information about a caesarean birth from the hospital, infact I really felt like a number in the system. Nobody explained much to me at all. So I set to work asking friends who had been through it before what I should expect. They all said I would feel the pushing & pulling, but no pain. They said it would all be over pretty quickly & that I would get a cuddle very soon after she/he was born.
I told myself it I would be fine, because so many others had gone before me.... The midwife warned me though, that I mightt feel cheated afterwards... I doubted her....
Well at 3:10pm they wheeled me off to surgery. I was feeling pretty nervous.
When we got there they asked Dan to wait outside until after they had put my spinal block in, then they would fetch him so he could be there with me for the birth. The wait was long. The longer I waited alone, the more nervous I became. Finally at 4:00pm the took me through to the operating room to get the big needle in my back. It was particulary scary getting this part done, as it went bad for a friend of mine who ended up with severe migraines for several weeks after her surgery. Once the spinal block was in, it all happened very quickly... They layed me down, the screen went up, the BP monitors got strapped on etc etc.... Dan still wasn't in there with me, so I asked them to get him. By this stage I was starting to panic a little. I calmed down slightly once he arrived, but not much. Between Dan & the anaethetist, they had there work cut out keeping me calm. It all seemed so unnatural.
My friends were right about all the pulling & pushing. I could feel everything! No pain, but feeling someones hands feeling around inside my body was horrid!! A feeling I hope to never have to experience again! After a little while I felt short of breath & I knew the baby's arrival was close. I remembered my friend explaining that feeling to me. Then before I knew it I heard good hearty crying!! The best sound in the world..... I aksed if it was a girl or a boy... they showed me... I couldn't see as I had no glasses on. Then they told me "Its a girl!!".... WHAT? I told them to check again! I was in absolute shock! I was so sure that we were having a boy... but what a delight! Another little girl. She was born at 4:50pm.
They quickly whisked her off to do whatever it is they needed to do, then they brought her over to meet me. I couldn't hold her, my arms were strapped down with drips & BP machines, but I got to kiss her.... She was so beautiful...
Then they took her away again to get weighed etc. They assured me that Dan & Libby would be waiting in recovery for me where I could have some skin to skin time & breast feed. I was looking forward to being out of that operating theatre. So maybe 20-30 mins later after they finished stitching me together I was taken to recovery. Dan & Libby were no where in sight. I started crying. The nurse told me they were short staffed & they had to go straight to the ward.
My stay in recovery seemed like an eternity. Well it was about 1/2 hour or so I think. I was finally taken back to the ward where I got to meet my baby properly, over an hour after she was taken away from me. I wasn't going to let anyone take her off me again!! She stayed in my bed for the rest of the night.
So did I feel cheated in the end? You bet I did!! Not because I couldn't birth naturally. I was ok with that part. But cheated that I wasn't prepared properly for what to expect. Cheated that I didn't get to cuddle her straight away. Cheated that no one asked me what I wanted. Cheated that Libby got hurt during the delivery even though the whole reason I chose the caesar was for her safety (the surgeon nicked her back with the scalpel).
So after delivering two babies naturally & one via c-section. I can quite confidently say natural delivery wins hands down.
I am so glad that my little girl arrived [relitively] safely. I wouldn't change my decison about having the c-section. However, I do wish it had been a positive experience that I could remember with fondness. I am sure the horrror of it all will fade away eventually, just like the horror of natural delivery does.
I must say though that leaving the sex of the baby a surprise was TOTALLY worth it! Such a delightful surprise!
Here is a photo of me meeting Libby for the first time....

If you made it this far, thanks for reading! Libby is such a delight to have in our family......

Lumpy, Bumpy & Frumpy!

I hate the first month or so after having a baby....

Ok let me clarify, I love my baby!!!! I hate my body. I usually hate my body, but I hate it much worse straight after having a baby.

For starters, I hurt, so that means I have to wear looseish clothes that make me look even bigger than I am. I dont yet fit back into my pre bump clothes & maternity clothes fall of. Quite literally...
Last night I was settling Libby in her cot & whilst leaning over my duds fell to the floor!!! Pretty funny really!

I see friends spring back to their pre baby bodies within a week of birthing their babes, and I just get all lumpy & bumpy....
I fear this time around it is going to take some HARD yakka to get rid of the excess belly. Maybe I should have asked the surgeon for a tummy tuck while he was as it?

I have my dress fitting for my best friend's wedding tomorrow. Dreading it.

Little Libby...

I need to get a roll of film developed, it has better photos on it, but I thought this one was cute enough to share :)



We are going well, I am healing nicely. Libby is an angel... sleeping lots & feeding well... I am so lucky!! :D